I know that some of my posts have seemed truncated lately.  That’s because I’ve said some not very flattering things about a member of my husband’s family and I decided that I would just delete everything after I posted it.  It makes for a disjointed account of what’s going on. 

I think every family has one person that just doesn’t pull their own weight.  In my family, it’s my uncle.  It was fine when my grandparents had their farm, he helped my grandfather with chores.  After they sold their farm, he just lived off my grandparents even after he turned 40.  He hated the idea of getting a job paying what is starting out pay in northeastern Vermont.  Now that my grandmother has Alzheimer’s and is living with my mom, he’s glad he got a job.  Oddly enough, he got a girlfriend not long after that.

In my husband’s family, there’s 2.  One is his cousin, who is in jail for stealing, then trying to escape.  If you go by his letters, jail time has agreed with him and he’s trying to straighten his life out for once he gets released.  Exactly like this cousin is my sister-in-law.  She hasn’t been caught by the law for much more than child neglect, so she hasn’t had to face the music for her bad choices and refuses to see anything as her fault. Instead, I see her daughter (my neice) suffering.  It breaks my heart. 

Then there’s me.  Some days when I get so bogged down with how much I have to do at work, I long for the simpler days of living with my mom and working part time after I left my ex.  Or maybe I’m just longing for a vacation.  It has been over a year since I took any time off.

Now I’m tired enough to sleep.

 Must not strangle the 16 year old.  I am the type of person that doesn’t like someone else working on my computer.  I have to do everything.  So he goes in and frells it up.  Must not strangle the 16 year old…

 I can’t get the door to go back on the track, so I guess I get to go buy myself another one Friday.  It just makes me so angry at him.  Not that he cares.  I need to find something to ground him from that’ll make an impression on him.

 They updated the site, and now it’s hit or miss if I can log in or post.  When I need the support to watch what I’m eating, I get so frustrated with not being able to log in. 

I know there are free sites out there for weight loss.  All of my friends are at eDiets though, so I want to continue to post there.  I guess all I can do is keep trying to log in.

 Now that I’ve said that, I feel more at peace and better able to move on to more important things than the drama in my life. 

 I’ve fallen on my face with trying to do too much, but all it’s done is get me sick. 

Maybe I’m just having trouble thinking because I can’t breathe, but I can’t sleep either this morning.  I am never up at this time of day. 

I’ve been trying to start a freelance design business.  So not only am I putting in bids on design jobs on guru.com, but I’m freelance writing to get extra money for a vacation in September, plus I’m working over time to get all of my work done at my regular job. 

My husband figures that since he’s working overtime too, that that’s the equivalent of what I am doing.  Yea, then he stays up all day and sleeps during the evening when I need help with our 2 year old. 

DH’s mother died the year his son and niece were born. When his niece was 18 months old or thereabouts, she was taken from her mom for a lack of clean house/neglect. Their grandparents took his niece in. Once my SIL was able to have her daughter back, she still didn’t take care of her much. Or at least the last 2 years since I’ve been living here in Enid, she hasn’t been.

I think the grandparents are using my niece as a replacement for their daughter, or at least the grandmother. She talks as if no one else is capable of making sure DN’s homework is done, or even that DN is safe when we have tornado warnings. Umm yea, I was a single parent for 10 years, I don’t know anything about making sure that kids do their homework.

It’s really draining on me to watch this. I watch grandma treat DN as a baby. We’re talking about a 7-1/2 yo still drinking out of a sippy cup. She gets whatever she wants, all she has to do is start a screaming fit. Well, everything but one, she doesn’t get her mother’s attention like she should. Instead, she’s living with the grandparents (who are in their late 70′s/early 80′s). No one fun for a 7 yo to live with.

I watch as everyone gives in to what DN wants. The grandparents don’t like the tantrums, so give up and tell her she can do whatever she wants. SIL just gives in. I’m not sure if it’s because of guilt, or what is on her mind. She’ll say no the first time, then after the 3rd or 4th time, she says yes. DN doesn’t even bother asking me a 2nd time when I say no. She knows I won’t change what I say.

My heart breaks for that little girl. I really wonder what she thinks when she can get whatever she wants. Candy and sweets are the least of it. She’s so defiant, even with me. The only way I can get it to stop is to give her a time out. Of course, the first time out lasts about 30 minutes because she doesn’t stop screaming long enough for me to run the timer for 7 minutes. I finally have to tell her no, for the last time, she is not getting a drink until she is out of time out. I don’t care how thirsty she is. All she has to do is sit quietly for 7 minutes. If she hadn’t thrown this tantrum, she’d already be out of time out.

Actually, the last time I gave her a time out, she was quiet almost immediately. I think she finally gets it. Now if I could handle having her more often so I could help her. Before she goes too far and turns out like her mom, never able to hold down a job, always just living off others, mooching money for cigarettes and gas. Spending what money she does get on beer or other alcohol. Blowing her tax return on game systems for the latest guy she’s trying to keep.

Poor kid, my heart really breaks for my DN. One of these days, the grandparents are going to be gone. At that point, I suspect that DH and I will be the ones who are taking care of her. I only hope it is not too late.

Whereever you are, daddy, I love you and miss you.