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Vacation

I try not to say much about mental health, but I’ve been having some issues with anxiety in the last couple of years. I finally hit the end of my rope. Part of it was from work, and part of it was just the stress from other things going on in my life.

When I hit the point where I didn’t care if I still had a job – though I still did my best at work – I went to the doctor and we switched up my medication.

My anxiety is getting better, some of the time. I still have my days. I’ve been staying on the Ketogenic diet as much as possible hoping that the lack of sugar would help my moods. It hasn’t really affected things, but I still feel more clearheaded when I don’t eat empty carbs and sugar.

In June, I decided I needed a vacation. I combined my vacation with the holiday off for the 4th so I could use fewer vacation days and still get a full week off. Part of me was worried that they’d find that they didn’t need me. Instead, my boss texted me on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday asking for my help. It makes me feel a bit better, but I’m still anxious about going back tomorrow. I’ve got a lot to catch up on.

My anxiety was mostly better this last week, but I think it’s a good idea for me to take a break from social media. Twitter and Facebook have been kicking up the stress and anxiety, with all the current events.

While I was off work, I spent the time working on the roof that we started working on in March. You’d think my husband and stepson would have gotten most of it done, but they got frustrated and stopped working on it most of the time. Now I’m trying to get it done outside of the really hot times of day – which means early morning or evening after dinner.

Starting this week, I’m going to have to just limit it to after dinner hours. That will not be fun, but I’ve made a lot of progress this last week. I did remember something I did in the wrong order when I was trying to sleep Friday night.

I think we can get started on putting up the tin the roofing this week. I just need to fix the trim where I didn’t do it right. That shouldn’t take long – maybe 2 evenings, then I can move on. I need to find a cool evening where I can paint, but I’m not sure when that will be.

That’s about all I have to say tonight. It’s been a long week, and I still need to clean out my email. I don’t check it enough when I’m on vacation. I miss gaming, but I’ve been reading a lot more lately to help me escape from my thoughts.

My next step is going to be to start MUDding again. I miss that as well. I’m also going to start writing again. I’ve missed both of these and they help with the obsessive thoughts that trigger my anxiety.

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Trolling

Note, the below is satire. I don’t really believe what it says.

Some of the mayors of the bigger cities are trolling Trump. It’s actually a bit funny. I shouldn’t laugh, but he comes off as a racist.

https://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/ny-black-lives-matter-trump-tower-20200624-6hspln2wcjbchjpwdlwfoqetnq-story.html

Washington DC put the words Black Lives Matter in front of Lafayette Square near the White House. Now New York is doing the same in front of Trump Tower.

I keep seeing that George Floyd had 3 strikes, that he wasn’t innocent. I keep seeing that others have this record, or have done that or were breaking the law. Here’s the thing:

It. Doesn’t. Matter.

They didn’t deserve to be killed. George didn’t deserve to have the life squeezed out of him. Breonna Taylor wasn’t doing anything except sleeping.

If they can take white mass shooters in without killing them, if they can bring in a white guy who is waving around an axe without shooting ,him, then they can do the same for other skin colors. It’s that simple.

I don’t understand how the guys below who were walking around with guns were very fine people, but if it’s someone who is protesting about Black Lives Matter, the police response is over the top violent. Even when the protests are peaceful.

Sorry, but those police who are reacting with violence to someone exercising their right to protest – their First Amendment right – those police are part of the problem. Those along with the ones who kneeled on George Floyd’s neck, the ones who botched the raid and killed a sleeping Breonna Taylor, the ones who killed Elijah McClain, who was just walking home. They are the problem. The good cops need to speak out against the bad.

That we have been fighting the same problems in our society for over 150 years is a sad sign of our times.

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Pretty good

We have been working on replacing our roof. The roof had way more problems than we realized though we should have expected it. We did buy a house that had been abandoned for more than 12 years, that had been gutted as well.  This home improvement project is taking a lot longer than expected (don’t all home improvement projects??) We keep finding things that we need to do or replace.

Oklahoma opened back up on May 1, and I had bought everything at least 2 to 3 weeks before that, so that tells you how long we’ve been working on it between rain, everyone working, and asking temperamental 19 year olds to help.

With all the walking up and down the ladder and along the slanted roof, my back and knees were really bothering me. I had gone off Keto when the quarantine started when it was hard to find a lot of my regular foods. I know the weight I regained did not help me at all, even though it was just another 10 pounds.

I started back on Keto on Monday and it’s mostly meant eating cheese and eggs, since they are still relatively easy to get. I save the regular meat for dinner unless its leftovers.

Mostly it’s been satisfying. I’m not hungry, and now that the sugar is out of my system I’m not craving sweets.

Tonight I wanted a little something extra, so I went through one of the cookbooks I bought when I was first doing Keto in 2017 and 2018.

I made a mocha frappe tonight, and it’s actually pretty good, though my son thinks it looks gross.

Ignore grandma willow in the background. My daughter is watching Pocahontas on Disney+.

I need to go pick my niece up from work, so laterness and g’nite.

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This is the way it should go

So, occasionally, I take the time to read the MSN home page. There are always fluff stories, and ones that are biased. I also look at whatever pops up for stories on my Chrome new tab page on my phone, and through Flipboard, which comes with my phone as well – yes, I have a Samsung.

I read this story, and I like this. It’s more about protests – this time in OH. The governor is telling the protesters to lay off the reporters and the head of the OH Department of Health, and instead focus on him.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/come-after-me-ohios-gop-gov-mike-dewine-calls-out-obnoxious-protesters-who-targeted-health-chief-news-media/ar-BB13C7id?ocid=spartanntp (as always, all all links open in a new tab).

I’m actually pretty impressed. This is the right way for elected officials to behave. Remind people that reporters are exercising their 1st amendment rights just like the protesters are. We need a free press. This is very important.

Personally, I think they should bring back the fairness doctrine as well, but that’s because I’d rather go back to making my own decisions instead of the decisions or opinions others want me to make.

That’s the main reason why I read a lot of my news from the Allsides as well. https://www.allsides.com/unbiased-balanced-news. I can look at which way that site typically leans, and I can decide how biased their reporting is.

I also follow Jim Wright with Stonekettle Station on Twitter, Facebook, and I read his blog at http://www.stonekettle.com/. He’s not a democrat or a republican, he just spent years in military intelligence. He doesn’t pull punches with what he says.

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Dystopia

So a bunch of gun toting idiots stormed the Capitol building in MI today. Maybe it was peaceful, but the state senators didn’t feel that way.

It doesn’t really help that our fearless leader, the Mango Mussolini, has encouraged it with his tweet about liberating states with a Democratic governor.

If you don’t like what’s being done, put down the frelling gun and vote. If you’re outnumbered, deal with it.

Just because some idiot’s wet dream idea of the end of the world involves shooting their neighbor does not make it legal or right. They should be frelling arrested. What they did was legal, but was morally wrong.

What’s worse, it’s all white guys who are doing this crap. The ones having the most health problems with this virus have a darker skin pigment. They’re the ones who will suffer and die just because people want pedicures and haircuts.

Then I see an even stupider post on Facebook about how the ‘blue’ states shouldn’t get more money just because they don’t know how to budget. I had to snooze that person because I almost started to comment. Most of the states needing help right now are ones with a higher population, that were harder hit by the virus. That the federal government made bid against each other for PPE and ventilators.

Most red states take more than they pay in taxes, and most blue states give more than they take. Oklahoma has only had a balanced budget because they’ve slashed school teachers salaries and all things they deem nonessential – like public television and charities. So much for a Christian state.

That’s just a generalization, but look at this chart and tell me what’s wrong with this picture.

Anyway, I’m done for the night. It’s been a long week, and I have 1 more day of work to get through.

Laterness and g’nite

**Update: After reading more this morning, the situation in Michigan is more nuanced than I realized last night. Does that mean they were correct in storming the capitol with guns? Not really, no. However, if the partisan politics of the state senate and the governor really needs to go by the wayside. It’s ridiculous that they weren’t able to work some sort of deal.

I’ve gotten very fed up with so many of these that don’t think they should compromise. That’s the point of politics. Find mutual ground so that though everyone doesn’t get everything they want, they can all be happy that they got part of it. This whole screw the other guy (and I see a lot of it on Facebook) is just another example of how we’re slipping into dystopia. Which is discouraging, considering a lot of the ones saying it are also saying they’re Christian.

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Quarantine and essential workers

Since I work for a food company, which I do not name on my blog, I am deemed an essential worker. I have been working more than 40 hour weeks for so long, I’m burning out. But, I still have an income, so there is that.

On the other hand, hubby had a quit or be fired conversation at his employer about 3 weeks before everything started shutting down. His doctor was making changes to his diabetes medication, so he missed a lot of work due to catching everything going around because his blood sugar was messed up.

Today, we We have needed to fix the roof of the house, so with our tax return, we started on that this weekend. We found a lot of problems, so it’s a good thing we did start on it. The goal is to fix it so we can consolidate into a home loan so we can finish everything else that needs done – like finishing the 2nd bathroom, swapping the tub in the main bathroom for a walk in shower and finishing the front room. I also want new kitchen cabinets and maybe even a dishwasher and a pantry. I’ve got big dreams lol

In the meantime, I’m still working on my depression and the anxiety that got added to the mix in the last couple of years. I do what I can where I can, and just keep starting where I am.

At least with the overtime, I’m paying all my bills with just a little juggling (and a little scrimping). I’m thinking the more we get done on the house, maybe I can start with my writing again. I miss it. I also need to work on my crochet more. I have some plans for decorating my office at work.

Oh, that’s a new thing as well. I’ll be moving into my own office in the next few weeks. It’ll seem weird since I’ve been in a cubicle for what seems like forever. I am bringing a bookcase for some things and figure it’s as good a place as any to put my crochet amirugami that I want to start making. I found a cow and a gnome and a couple of other things.

Anyway, time to start dinner. Chicken alfredo and garlic parmesan biscuits. I might look at doing poppers too, just because I’ve been wanting some lately. I should have the stuff for them.

Lateness and g’nite

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Whine, whine, whine

Not that I like jumping on bandwagons or diet fads, but I had been doing the Ketogenic diet for about 2 years. It wasn’t hard, just boring, and then I stopped losing weight.

So after about 8 months fluctuating the same 6 lbs, I went back to just watching what I ate. Which that, plus stress means I regained any weight I had lost.

My knee has been bothering me for about a month, so I had it checked out. The NP I saw thinks it might be arthritis in my knee (fun, I’m old), but also suggested I go back on Keto. She said I come talk to her when I plateau next time.

I started back today, and I’m already bored. I can eat oatmeal for breakfast every morning without getting sick of it, even the same oatmeal every morning. On the other hand, I am so sick of eggs I don’t want to look at another egg for breakfast.

I’m a picky eater, I don’t like the taste or texture of coconut, so I can’t make some of the ‘no oatmeal’ warm breakfasts because they just don’t appeal to me. I guess I’ll go back to mixing cottage cheese and Greek yogurt with a bit of some type of extract and a few walnuts. I just need either mix it up ahead of time or bring it to work or my husband will eat all of the cottage cheese.

This week I’m stuck with eggs and cheese, and all I want to do is whine about it.

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Ultimate Pizza

Today we celebrated the youngest’s birthday by going to Ultimate Pizza. It’s a really cool buffet with games and rides and a laser tag place among other things. When the kids and hubby were playing laser tag, this is what it said on the scoreboard.

A dear friend used the name Tidal on the MUD. I’ve been wondering how that person has been doing.

I’ve been struggling with depression, and now I’m working 50 hour weeks because the company is moving from 3 different ERP systems to just SAP. I haven’t reached out in years at this point. I feel guilty, but would love to sit down and catch up at some point.

They seem to be done with the laser tag, so I’d better post this. We need to head for home. It’s been a long day, and I still need to grocery shop.

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Craziness abounds

So, my kids and I are in Tae Kwon Do, with classes twice a week. Typically, we only go on Monday nights and every other Wednesday – when I’m not on the schedule to help in the nursery at church.

Tonight, as we were getting ready for class, I saw the following post on Facebook.

One of the local information sites/groups had a post that the mall, plus the Walmart Supercenter and the Walmart Neighborhood Market have all received bomb threats tonight. They’re all being evacuated.

Someone posted a picture of some guy wearing a swastika on an armband leaving the Walmart Supercenter. Even crazier, guess he was recruiting in the area. Disgusting. Of course, I’m in the middle of red Oklahoma, so he might have found recruits. I just hope not.

I should probably go clean out my email, since I haven’t checked it since Thursday lol. I took a 4 day weekend and have checked my work email, but not my personal email.

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Progress

When we bought our house in 2012, we bought it from a company that buys bank foreclosures or tax forfeitures and flips them. They had gutted the house, but then the owner’s father had a heart attack around the same time, so they stopped working on it and never started back.

The house was empty for around 4 or 5 years. At least one person or group had squatted here — there was evidence of a fire on the floor in one of the rooms. Kids shot a bb gun or pellet gun at most of the windows, breaking them.

It took about 3 years of working nights and weekends (including the time it took to save money to pay an electrician and plumber, since my city insisted we used licensed plumbers and electricians). We had to get out a loan for the central heat and air, but otherwise we paid cash, and we own the house free and clear. Which is good, because we fell for a scam at a local dealership and were upside down on our car before it broke down last year on the way to Vermont for the memorial.

We only did enough to pass inspection and get a certificate of occupancy.

The front room was full of boxes and things we brought into the house from the grandparents house when we moved in. Friday, we spent 4 to 5 hours cleaning up the mess. We still need to organize the things we kept, but it’s looking a lot better.

I’m hoping that once we get it organized, we can start making progress on the loft and finishing the front room. I would love to gave the rest of the house done, and would like to renovate my kitchen and current working bathroom. I have a lot of plans, but it’ll take some time to finish.

I’ve been working on my writing becaue that’s one way to get more income. That will help us to pay off our loans, allowing us to become debt free.

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